Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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