Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
