Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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