Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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