WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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