We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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