his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
