they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I stole a fireplace last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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