so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
