Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
