Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
