It was confusing and full of hummus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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