I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
