I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
