I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
