Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The best revenge is premature balding
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
