I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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