I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
