The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
