Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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