That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
