that's an acceptable place to lick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Randomize