Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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