too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
