Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
