New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
