I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
