My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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