the condom got lost in my hair
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
