Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
