Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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