I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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