I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
