my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
