they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
