I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
