It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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