There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
