My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
