if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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