So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
