The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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