I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
