so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
