Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
