Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
where does the pee come out of this thing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
