So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What a dumb baby whore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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