I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
