So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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