At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize