Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
