I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
