You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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