it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
