you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
