In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
