I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
