They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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