Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
