did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
