And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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