no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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