Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
