you traded sex for a burrito?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
