i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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