she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
