I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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