I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Terrible idea I love it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
