If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
