I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize