I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
