I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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