final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
