worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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