I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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