Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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