Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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