I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
