There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
