i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
