I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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