so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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