I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
