This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize