If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
