The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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