i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
