Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
