Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
