Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize