You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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