idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
