I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
