Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
