when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
