FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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