No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize