Yo dont text me then not text me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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