It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
