So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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