You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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