those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
