Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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