Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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