Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
