Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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