apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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