got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
