who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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