You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
