6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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