didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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