You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
