Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize