Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
