today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
