I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
