He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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