You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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