nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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