You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
