You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
